Do you ever feel like people around you are intentionally trying to negate your baby? Maybe they are failing to mention them in a list of your children or acting in other ways to pretend that your baby never existed intentionally, perhaps to try and force you to get over it?
The month after Saersha died a family member set about unraveling the hats she had knitted for her, directly in front of me. It was so painful and especially considering this person's personality and profession I think that she was trying to erase Saersha.
Oh. Wow. My mouth is literally hanging open reading that. Wow. That is so incredibly hurtful. I'm sorry that person did that at all, let alone in front of you.
ReplyDeleteWell this was a while ago now so it doesn't hurt *as* much as it did at the time, but thank you. What triggered my thoughts on this was seeing another loss mama be wished a happy mother's day with a list of her children excluding the one who had died. I don't know what the relationship is there, but it made me think of people who do know better but still want to negate your child's existence. Of course there are people who don't know and say dumb things out of ignorance, but there are others who seem to have another agenda. Thankfully I don't have too many examples of this in my life, in part because I hid myself away to a large degree.
ReplyDeleteThat's so sad, but I think people are just mostly thoughtless. A friend who had a baby girl just 3 months after mine died didn't understand why I wouldn't want to go to her baby shower. I think until you've been there, you just don't know. Lucky people who haven't had to be there, I guess.
ReplyDelete